War Paths

Tears wage war paths down my face
War paths because I fight to feel
After so many years of ignoring my self
Too many years of worrying about my makeup getting ruined by crying
Cry it all off my face
There’s no make up that can withstand the salt of tears
There’s no more walls or false pretenses holding them back
Give way like a dam
Feeling things I’ve never felt
Fear of losing control
Fear of being alone
So I became who you wanted to stay with
I became no one
I became a woman I didn’t recognize
It’s not your fault
But you are also not my responsibility
Moving forward feels like spinning out of control
What was control anyways?
False security
False confidence
You blame me now. You play the victim
That’s ok
I’m strong enough to bear it
I was strong enough for both of us back then
You mocking my feelings
Mocking my depression
Mocking the woman I was trying to become
It’s not your fault
It’s all you knew
I was a victim too
But now I choose to be a victor
I feel
I breath
I know
I reach